1. Cruel & Unusual Pugishment
The time that your daughter got so annoyed with little pug Scout that she locked him in a room across the hall.
2. A Chilling Experience
The time a new employee at work thought she got stuck in the walk-in refrigerator.
Jill (pounding on the door from the inside): JACK! JACK! CAN YOU HEAR ME?!? JACK!
Jack (opens the door): What’s the problem?
Jill: I WAS STUCK. THERE IS NO HANDLE.
Jack: You just push. Like this. Most people do it with their foot.
Jill: Oh, good thing you heard me.
Jack: I’d say so, yes. And I actually wouldn’t have heard you if I hadn’t been walking by the kitchen.
Jill: Oh, goodness me.
3. Apollo Number Two
The time you flushed your toilet and it sounded like a jet engine that was prepping for takeoff to orbit the moon but then went back to normal so you shrugged it off.
4. A Reptile Dysfunction
The time the hired help told you that he’d seen 4 snakes in your backyard and only one of them had been a garter snake.
- The number of times since that you pictured said hired help’s wingspan as you entered
your backyardthe Black Forest.
5. The Hole Truth and Nothing but the Truth
The time that you punched a hole in your foyer coat closet door.
And then “fixed” it by hammering nails into the backside of the door such that it could be superglued.
6. Sh!t Day?
The day that you cleaned 5 toilets and a urinal at one workplace, 4 toilets at another workplace and your 3 toilets at home and had an internal debate going on throughout as to whether your work ethic and willingness to do the dirty work for little/no pay was of utmost respect or if you had made some wrong life choices along the way.
7. Hyperaware or Hyperarrogant?
The time that you were reading a book review and read, “Bryson has one of the liveliest, most inquisitive minds on the planet…” and thought to yourself:
Ah, and I’m curious to know if you’ve met your match good sir. 🤣
8. All In. Internet Out.
The number times that your (first) husband was in for a $5K/10K ante, and sometimes bets on top of that, while playing online poker—before online poker was illegalized in the U.S.—and the internet went out.
9. Closing Credits
I appreciate you. 😘
Leave a Reply