Kristine Joy, Writer

To Whom It May Concern and FWIW,*

• At the cost of $400, I took an online writing class last Fall. Per common sense, I signed up for Level I and then proceeded to pass said class with ✈️✈️🟡🔴🟢🟣 (the proof is in the pudding excerpts that I’ve included on this website). I, and the others who nailed 🔨 the class, needed not be told upon completion, “We encourage everyone to take Level I twice. In fact, Level II doesn’t open to you until you’ve passed Level I again.”
  • When making an investment, I feel like this is something they should tell you up front?!?

• I needed for Parker and his crew to thank Gene Cheeseman at the end of Gold Rush Season 5 and for Gene to respond accordingly:

Parker: To the best Foreman a guy could ask for!

All: Hear, hear!!

Gene: I put my pants on one leg at a time and simply try to do my best everyday.

AND THAT’S NO CHEESE!

• The slide-out on our RV was broken for a couple years. We paid two reputable businesses a service fee and then some to diagnose and fix the problem. Both told us that it could not be done because “parts simply weren’t available” seconds before handing us the bill for having walked in the door in the first place. And so, my husband and I HAND CRANKED the puppy out a few dozen times (a reset of the system allowed us to electronically retract the slide-out so we lived with the laborious one-way only task).
  • Turns out, we didn’t need a business two businesses that specialize in RV repairs. We simply needed the retired electrical engineer that lives two doors away from us, and a mere 30 minutes of his time, sans parts, at that. 🤦‍♀️

• I needed to hire help, see electrical engineer that lives two doors away, to install a ceiling fan that sat on our storage room floor for two years. One, to get it off the storage room floor. Two, to have a fan in my office.
  • I needed for there not to have been a faulty design by the manufacturer, resulting in my needing to hold the fan over my head for 20 minutes while my neighbor tried to finagle what could not be done (until we took the fan down, back apart and he grinded a metal piece down so that it didn’t hit any of the 6 screws below and yes, we tried the piece in both possible directions).
    • Once again, overhead work followed a morning arm day workout and that needed to not have been the case.

• I woke up to a poor Sleep Score on my Garmin watch and a Training Readiness of 1. Feeling better than my watch metrics indicated, I decided to run anyway. The watch warned me to take a Rest Day when I attempted to start the workout, but I dismissed it.
  • I needed not to have obtained my best Execution Score yet and a solid pace at a lower than average heart rate; resulting in the validation of a stubborn user (me).
    • Unless there is a built-in Chip on Shoulder algorithm that is meant to spur me on through reverse psychology?!?

• I need to not have used a Lemon and Lime Squeezer incorrectly for a month. Apparently, enough other people have done the same though to the point that there needs to be videos encouraging correct technique. #usererror 🙋‍♀️
  • You need to write this down (unless you’re less idiotic than me): The curvature of the lemon or lime DOES NOT sit in the curvature of the lemon or lime squeezer as your eyes may have you believe. The flat cut side of the lemon or lime goes down despite it looking you’re trying to put a square peg in a circular hole. I wish you luck my friend!

• During open lap swim hours, I needed to have randomly picked a different lane. I hope that this does not come across as mean as I’m merely relaying facts here, but each time that I crossed paths with the lap swimmer next to me, I “inhaled” an overwhelming combination of smell molecules (if that is scientifically described correctly?) – if I had to name the smell, I would have to say – the must from your great great grandma’s house + not the best smelling perfume over-applied + sunscreen + a fruity shampoo + salty sweat.

ChatGPT Ask:
If you are swimming at a 2:02 / 100m pace in a 25m pool for 30 minutes and the person one lane over is swimming at a 3:00 / 100m pace for the same 30 minutes, how many times to you cross paths?

You cross paths with the other swimmer about 19 times over 30 minutes.

• Speaking of open lap swim hours, I need to share a story with you. A fellow lap swimmer friend of mine used to get overly, but correctly, annoyed with a woman that refused to share her lane despite the other lanes sometimes having 3-6 swimmers in them. My friend forced the issue one day; she literally had to stand in the water in front of the woman as she approached a turn in order to get the woman to acknowledge a fellow patron at all. Their conversation ensued:
  • Friend: Do you mind if we share a lane? The other lanes are jam packed.
  • Selfish Sally (snorts): Fine.
  • Friend: Do you want to circle swim or each take half the lane?
  • Selfish Sally: Technically, it’s a square.
  • Friend: Technically, it’s a rectangle. Do you want to circle swim or each take half the lane?

• I need for Grannie Jannie and Grandpa Bob to host Cousin Week each and every Summer because it is literally our daughter’s favorite week of the year. For the record, there are 15 cousins, ranging in age from 5-17 (this year). Grannie sets her back porch up as a Chuckie Cheese prize station, the kids roller blade in the driveway, play board games and just hang. Grannie and Grandpa cart the kids to and from activities all week – Downtown Chicago, go-karts, escape rooms, laser tag, Dave & Buster’s, Portillo’s, Starbucks, movie theaters, LEGOLAND, Six Flags, etc, etc.

• All in a week, I needed to have decluttered a bunk bed, two end tables, a fan (see above, it was technically installed as opposed to decluttered but still), a box that was literally labeled ‘Christmas Lights That Don’t Work’, artwork that I didn’t consider artwork in the first place and a few picture frames that were somehow damaged by water despite never having had water in our basement.
  • NOW, I need for the RV to sell (it is fixed up no thanks to me) and I need for the pet rescue business that I contacted to call me back and tell me that they are now taking guinea pigs again!

I appreciate your readership. I need the validation as writer; if there is a like or heart icon for you to depress, I’d most appreciate the support!

Sincerely,

K.J. Sculling

* The content is presented as “needs”, and some of them may front a harsh reality that evoke strong emotions. Others are expressed in pure jest to entertain myself (and maybe you?!?). Ultimately, the notion that we all live in a more idyllic world is at the core and not actual need. Life can be tough; regardless of your own circumstances, please keep up the fight because life can also be grand! The idea of ‘I Need…’ stemmed from my thought process while sitting at a red light listening to the song, Alright by Darius Rucker, on the radio (you can read the original ‘Idealist’ post here and all ‘Idealist’ posts here). If you’re inspired to submit your own ‘Idealist’ “needs” for future reader write-in posts, I’d love to hear from you via this form.