Kristine Joy, Writer

To Whom It May Concern and FWIW,*

• I need not realize that my foray in Pickleball may in fact be a metaphor for my life. You see, a fellow Pickleballer once said:

“Of all the Pickleball players that I know, and I know a lot of Pickleball players, I’m pretty sure you’ve gotten hit in the face more times than all of them combined.”

And yet, I keep coming back for more, which can only mean, I’m a ridiculously resilient daughter of a anti-bi+ch or an infamous ignoramus imbecile in Pickleball and life?!?

• After getting hit in the face one of these times, I need not have triggered bank security protocol upon trying to withdraw $200 with a black eye and athletic tape wrapped around my hand (because of a blister).

I know that the protocol is in place as a protection of me, but I can assure you that being surrounded and questioned in a bank lobby by those beckoned out of their offices makes one feel a whole lot more like a wrongdoer than the one potentially being wronged.

• I need a job where the buyout is $54 Million.

Contingency Clause

Should you fail, you will receive a wrist slap in the form of $54M💰 and our wishes that you wallow in your suffering.

• I needed the female version of morning glory on two consecutive mornings:

• Per ongoing curiosity that wouldn’t go away without said experience (viewed through my lens) / expenditure (viewed through the lens of my husband), I needed to float in a float tank! And I did! And it was bliss. As in, I haven’t been that relaxed in a decade.
  • I also needed the chuckle upon reading the waiver, “I agree to take full responsibility for my thoughts and actions while in the Float Suite.”
    • And then I needed the dose of reality as to why they needed my sign-off on what seemed rather ridiculous, but is rather reality. I will own up to the following thoughts and actions:
      • Would I float in the fetal position?
        • The answer is yes, but you’ll also get salt in your eye despite your best efforts not to.
      • If I used goggles and a swim snorkel, I could dead man float in here. Wait, would that even be any different idiot 🙋‍♀️?
      • My experience with drugs is limited, but this feels like I’m on a drug.
      • Wow, I could write a character or book about that impure thought (I hereby declare this my think tank float tank).
      • Is arousal enhanced in this environment / state of mind and being?
        • I may or may not have grazed my own nipple to discover that the answer to that question is in fact maybe yes.
          • Hmm, I would never, but I wonder if anyone has ever masturbated in here and/or would two people float in the missionary position and/or would the salt burn when/if penetrating innards?

I signed the waiver and thus, if any of the above thoughts, or my undisclosed thoughts, were offensive to the Float Suite (Oscar!), or another, I take accountability to the extent that I will apologize (I’m sorry!). But, if we all actually took accountability for EVERY THOUGHT over the course of 100 years, would HE🏒🏒 not be at capacity, spewing us volcanically 🌋 perhaps?!?

• I needed for Scout to not consume the freshness packet (he didn’t 😮‍💨) when he found and decided that he wanted to know Jack:

Scout found the beef jerky in Em’s room. Upon sending this photo to Em, she replied, “Bruh. This big back.”

I now feel a need to translate this in the event that you don’t know teenage slang like I do:

“Big Back”

per AI…

a slang term that most commonly refers to someone who eats a lot

the phrase can be used as a humorous joke depending on the context and speaker

• I needed to have heard this story moments before trying to come up with the title for a Halloween poem:
  • Two friends met up in New York. One randomly chose a bookstore. The other randomly chose a book section. They alternated in this fashion to choose a book, page, paragraph and word, which wound up being aghast. The two friends proceeded to a tattooist and each tattooed the word on their body. Shocking, right? 😉

• I needed to have read strangers tend to tell me things by amy dickinson because….
  • …I just did – to read this book at this time in my life!
  • …I 💯 laughed out loud. A lot. I think the book is the perfect degree of funny (for what that comment may be worth to Amy 😉)!
  • …I now have a new need in my life – to sit at an “Algonquin Round Table” with Amy “and go dancing 💃 at the Copacabana.” I’d “play nice” because Amy seems like the type of friend that every friend needs in their life. And I know this because I, too, am a know-it-all (⬅️ Amy and I’s first inside joke as friends).
  • …I have parents that are soon to age (or maybe aging already and I’m in denial about it?!?).
  • …I am inspired to create my own space in which someone needs to knock in order to enter.

• I needed to wrap up my To Be or Not To Be a Runner mission and I did so. I wasn’t able to complete the designated Trail Run on October 5th because I was on the road with my Triathlon team. Nonetheless, 42 runs later and 127 miles, I have decided that I AM A RUNNER!
  • With a caveat. I do not desire to be a competitive runner. I am a runner that can walk out my front door at most any time and pound out comfortably tread 3-10 miles at a 9-10 minute pace and enjoy the experience. I love a good audio book and/or music while running, and think not the slightest less of myself if the warmth of the sun ☀️ tells me slow down and walk along the river because I can and will continue to run, as a runner, when a run in the park, or through the neighborhood, or on the beach speaks louder. 📢

I appreciate your readership. I need the validation as writer; if there is a like or heart icon for you to depress, I’d most appreciate the support!

Sincerely,

K.J. Sculling

* The content is presented as “needs”, and some of them may front a harsh reality that evoke strong emotions. Others are expressed in pure jest to entertain myself (and maybe you?!?). Ultimately, the notion that we all live in a more idyllic world is at the core and not actual need. Life can be tough; regardless of your own circumstances, please keep up the fight because life can also be grand! The idea of ‘I Need…’ stemmed from my thought process while sitting at a red light listening to the song, Alright by Darius Rucker, on the radio (you can read the original ‘Idealist’ post here and all ‘Idealist’ posts here). If you’re inspired to submit your own ‘Idealist’ “needs” for future reader write-in posts, I’d love to hear from you via this form.