Kristine Joy, Writer

To Whom It May Concern and FWIW,*

• I need for our daughter, Emme, to be dating a guy whose brother is interested in dating a girl named Noemi. 🤣

Kale: Noemi!

Emme: What’d I do?

Mom: No Emme today?

Kale: What about her?

Aiden: Yes, Emme.

Noemi: How many times do I have to tell you that my name is NOemi?

• When one is engaging in illicit activities with their collegiate Strength & Conditioning Coach as a collegiate athlete, one needs not hear the following phrases:

During Foreplay

You kiss like an excited dog. 🐕

During a Workout

Hey, the administration thinks we’re sleeping together. I need you to send me an email to the effect of, “I’m sorry to hear that your integrity is being questioned. Nothing has ever happened between us and I’m not sure why the administration seems to think that it has?”

It should also be noted that my Strength & Conditioning Coach was in the hallway with another female athlete not 10 minutes later which leads me to believe that the skill of discreetness is maybe what he needed so as not to be questioned in the first place. Or, maybe, just maybe, not to have been sleeping with a pack of Huskies (and then wonder why they kiss like dogs)?!?

I am a Strength & Conditioning Coach myself these days and learned from him, how not to Do It 🤣, and if I were a righteous person, I would wish upon him high cholesterol from the half dozen raw 🥚🥚 that he’d drink at 5 AM just before sending me out the door in the dark to walk to my faraway car.

• In creating an image for one of my books, I need not have typed “business car” instead of “business card” in the entry field:

• My friend needed for the divorce of her parents to last less than 2.5 years over “bath towels and a crockpot”; the latter of which was literally part of a contempt of court filing.

• Her two younger siblings also did not need to get “spreadsheeted” by their Mom upon their graduation from college:

Expenses Owed To Me:

Tuition – $82,000
Food – $12,200
Lodging – $32,333
Use of the Crockpot – $3630
Bath Towels / Laundry – $2,222
My Love – Priceless (so let’s call it $1M)

• I needed for the 17-20 something year olds at the golf course to be better societal humans:
  • They paid to WALK 18 holes at a Junior U17 rate. The Junior rate saves you $14 per player, and a cart costs $18, but you need to be 18 years old to rent a cart, so you can’t have it both ways. Unless…..
    • …your next move is to make your way to the starter, where you proceed to tell him that you paid for carts, sign off on being 18+ and drive to the first tee box in your carts.

Forgive the pun, but I’d call this a DOUBLE BOGEY!!!

(given the fact that I’m writing about the terrible twos teens, suffice it to say that they didn’t get away with their heist)

• When trying to cut the nails of our pug, I need for him to not fight me to the end (WITH UNCUT NAILS!)!!

• I needed to slip a Dad joke in while out to eat with the daughter and her boyfriend:

Daughter: I’m so full. That’s a wrap.

Mom: No, that’s a taco. 🌮

• In trying to find a specific note in a note on my phone, I needed for my search term to not populate 45 results:

I was trying to find the spacing for crossbars that attach to my SUV and know that I had listed:

x inches from the back

I appreciate your readership. I need the validation as writer; if there is a like or heart icon for you to depress, I’d most appreciate the support!

Sincerely,

K.J. Sculling

* The content is presented as “needs”, and some of them may front a harsh reality that evoke strong emotions. Others are expressed in pure jest to entertain myself (and maybe you?!?). Ultimately, the notion that we all live in a more idyllic world is at the core and not actual need. Life can be tough; regardless of your own circumstances, please keep up the fight because life can also be grand! The idea of ‘I Need…’ stemmed from my thought process while sitting at a red light listening to the song, Alright by Darius Rucker, on the radio (you can read the original ‘Idealist’ post here and all ‘Idealist’ posts here). If you’re inspired to submit your own ‘Idealist’ “needs” for future reader write-in posts, I’d love to hear from you via this form.