Kristine Joy, Writer

To Whom It May Concern and FWIW,*

• After weeks of adding content to my website, I need to have more than NONE subscribers.
  • Worse yet, I used to have ONE subscriber. I needed for that ONE subscriber to have stuck by my side; they unsubscribed and I wan’t even sending them anything!

• I need AI in my life. For one, EVERY image on this website that is obviously not a personal photo is the credit of WordPress AI or ChatGPT. For two, both services have boosted my ego (and it needs boosting if you read the previous bullet point) because I have had to change my prompt to get a more accurate “K.J.”: The woman should be a forty five thirty two year old of athletic build.
  • For instance, Create me a cartoon image of a thirty two year old woman of athletic build talking to an AI computer thanking AI for saving her oodles of time. The callout should read, “THANK YOU AI” and include punny text at the top such as AI AM ALWAYS LEARNING.

• I needed to learn that one of my athletes used to sneak into his parent’s bedroom at night and use his Dad’s thumbprint (while his Dad was asleep) to unlock his Dad’s phone so that he could change the settings pertaining to his own phone usage (hours of use for given apps, etc).

• I need for my daughter to declutter her room and closet. She is!
  • I need for her decluttered clutter to NOT end up scattered in my office. But since it does, I need for the rate of my decluttering to outpace her rate of decluttering and that it does not.

• I needed for my friend, Claire, to NOT have hit a birdie in her first week of taking up golf. And not because I’m a bi+ch rooting against her or insecure about my own golf abilities. But rather, because the birdie that she hit was flying midair and then it wasn’t.
  • I needed for her brother-in-law, a DNR employee, to complete the paperwork for Abuse of Wildlife and send her the form with the appropriate fine.

• I needed for my cyborg super athlete powers (most visible in the AI edition; I’m balanced on one foot on a single sided step ladder (again, AI rocks)) to kick in within a half second when the ladder that I was standing on tipped over sideways. I successfully rebalanced it 😅; jumping off would have meant jumping over a patio table a trip to the hospital!
  • I needed to be astonished that the two photos below have striking resemblance to each other despite the real photo not being used to generate the other. Who’s up for a game of SPOT THE DIFFERENCES?

• I needed for my neighbor to offer lettuce and greens from her garden the same week that I was randomly on a salad kick.

Me (after using the restroom three times before 7 AM): My stomach is upset for some reason. 🤔

Husband: That reason would be the crazy amounts of rabbit food that you have been eating.

(as a nutritionist, I need to tell you that I always have a 🥩🐔 in the salad also)

• At 7:42 AM, I needed for there to be a porta-potty ³/₄ of a mile from my house while on a run (see previous need). Upon passing this porta-potty many times before, I had wished that the neighbor putting in a pool lived closer, but on this day, that neighbor’s shi++er (for use of the construction crew) needed to be exactly where it AND I sat.
  • I could have used a porta-potty in the woods while on a horseback excursion with (what thankfully still are) dear friends and more than a handful of random unknown souls in Estes Park a few years back.
    • I may or may not have needed for the guide to ask everyone to, “Keep your eyes on the trail ahead; don’t turn around.”
      • Given this command, WWYD?
    • But hey, you no longer need the answer to the question, “Does Kris shi+ in the woods?” because yes, yes she does.

• I needed for my daughter to tell me this when she was at wit’s end one evening:

Me: Do you want an Aleve?

Daughter: No, I want U to leave!

– Said Screenager

• I needed to not get in “trouble” for being the mastermind behind (let’s go with…helping to brainstorm) each of the following t-shirts:
  • High School Rivalry Football Game: The image was a cannon with a condom over it. A cannonball was shooting through the condom and the text read, TROJANS BREAK UNDER PRESSURE.
  • College Men’s Tennis Team Shirt: No Helmets. No Pads. Just Balls.

I appreciate your readership. I need the validation as writer; if there is a like or heart icon for you to depress, I’d most appreciate the support!

Sincerely,

K.J. Sculling

* The content is presented as “needs”, and some of them may front a harsh reality that evoke strong emotions. Others are expressed in pure jest to entertain myself (and maybe you?!?). Ultimately, the notion that we all live in a more idyllic world is at the core and not actual need. Life can be tough; regardless of your own circumstances, please keep up the fight because life can also be grand! The idea of ‘I Need…’ stemmed from my thought process while sitting at a red light listening to the song, Alright by Darius Rucker, on the radio (you can read the original ‘Idealist’ post here and all ‘Idealist’ posts here). If you’re inspired to submit your own ‘Idealist’ “needs” for future reader write-in posts, I’d love to hear from you via this form.