Kristine Joy, Writer

Prompt: A person’s shadow begins acting independently, revealing everything the person refuses to admit.

Jason trailed a bulked up gymrat out of the grocery store.

“Guessing you’re on roids dude!”

The muscle man spun on his heels to face Jason just as Jason spun on his heels to see who had said what he had thought. The only remote thing or person in the vicinity was his own shadow, and it was smirking.

Ripped Rex picked Jason up by his shirt collar and slammed him against a sign that read, “Superhero Parking Only – Veterans + Pregnant or New Moms.” Jason wasn’t either so he shouldn’t have been parked there and hoped his stay was temporary.

“To assume makes an ass out of you, but not me in this case. This is 100% primo beef punk and you’re soon to be dead meat!” Rex said.

“I’m really sorry. I didn’t say that.”

Rex turned his head left, then right, “Who did then?”

“Um, I think my shadow did.”

Rex rightfully looked at Jason as if hell had just frozen over, “If your shadow said it then you thought it…”

“Well, yes, but shit dude, I’m not dumb enough to….”

T-Rex put Jason back on the ground and muttered something about not having time for head case judgmental fucks as he walked away.

Jason was bent over coughing when he realized there were high heels and toddler tennies parked next to him. He looked up to discover a MILF holding the hand of her daughter.

“Are you okay?” she said.

“Holy crap. You’re hot!” screamed Shadow Sid.

“What? I thought THAT GUY was the jerk, but seems like YOU are the problem.” She tugged her mini me along, and looked back at him in disgust.

“Smooth sailor,” Shadow Sid said.

Jason tried to face-off with his shadow, but his shadow turned also. “Shut up! You’re going to get me slapped upside the head.”

“But, I’m only speaking your thoughts. If you’d shut up, I’d shut up,” he quipped back.

Jason got in his car. His shadow followed, of course.

He was headed home to his wife, but didn’t think that’d be a good idea with his vocal alter ego in tow. His marriage would be over the second dipstick said any one of the thoughts that he found himself thinking these days – how bored he was listening to her ramble on about this neighbor or that colleague, how her once cute antics annoyed him to no end, how attracted he was to her sister and the list went on in his head.

“I know what you’re thinking obviously idiot-stick,” Sid said from the backseat.

“Then answer what I’m thinking,” Jason said without turning his head, but rather, seeing the outline of himself in the rear view mirror.

“Ok. If you must know. You have two questions; how can a shadow talk and why is this happening to me? I don’t honestly know how a shadow can talk, but the why is because you’re…how do I put this nicely…well, you wouldn’t so I won’t…you’re a jackass that has spent the better part of a year taking things for granted.”

“Like what?” Jason said defensively.

Shadow Sid raised both hands and started counting by finger, “Let’s see here…

1. The life, body and spirit that you’ve been given.
2. Two healthy kids that worship the ground that you walk on despite the fact that you’ve done more stumbling these days than straight line head up purposeful steering of the family ship.
3. Your loyal wife that is a 12 when you’re more of an 8 on a good day. And HER sister IS a 10, but not a 12, AND she sees right through you and wishes HER sister had chosen someone other than you.
4. You have a career that pays well and you actually enjoy the work. Do you know how many people find their job despicable to the point that they count down the 40 hours per week by 10 minute increments?
5. Your sturdy 4 bedroom house is almost paid off and you have investments bud. You and your wife make a rockstar financial team.
6. You have intellect! And personality! You’re not exactly fronting either of those, but who am I to judge? My intellect is limited by your disuse of the potential and I’m typically a bit flat in disposition.

….would you like me keep going?”

“I wish you wouldn’t,” said Jason, his head resting on his fist with elbow propped by the side door. “Not to offend, but how do I get rid of you?”

Sid smiled. “You can’t outrun me, but you can stay ahead of me. It’s quite simple actually. Make yourself proud of yourself.” And with that, Sid dissipated.

Jason took a deep breath. He sat in his car thinking for over an hour before marching himself back into the grocery store.

At the entrance, an attractive female was pushing a cart out the exit; there was a tot in the seat facing her. Jason started to raise his hand to cover his mouth, but then let his hand fall back to his side. He flashed a genuine smile of respect, and continued on with his mission.

Ten minutes later, he was home. As he stood on the steps in the garage waiting for the garage door to close, he took note of their two newer paid off vehicles, epoxied garage floor that always made him smile and his neatly arranged power tools. He winked at his John Deere tractor; secretly finding it even more beautiful than the MILF he’d pissed off.

He opened the door to Jenna, his wife, in the kitchen licking a spoon caked in cookie dough. “You’re late,” she said, somewhat inquisitive, but not to the point of annoyance.

Jenna held out the spoon for him, but he nodded in the negative. He held out flowers for her, and a bag of Skittles, her favorite.

He’d never once given her flowers so her inquisition this time, teetered on the edge of concern, “I don’t get it. Why?”

“I met someone today,” he said.

To which she replied, “WHAT? That’s not helpful. Who is she?”

“He. And he’s me, but he’s been buried under stress, stupidity, immaturity, assumptions, expectations, ego, instant gratification, woe me, martyrdom, thoughts of greener grass, you name it. And I’m sorry.”

Jenna wasn’t sure she understood, nor did she believe he had anything to apologize for, but she gladly took the flowers and gave him a peck on the cheek, “Thank you.”

The rest of their evening was storybook nuclear family good tidings and cheer.

• A dinner of roast beef, mashed potatoes and green beans with vanilla ice cream, topped with caramel, for dessert.
  • The centerpiece was a vase gifted to Jason and Jenna at their wedding, but never before used. And the smell of fresh tulips filled the house.

• Labyrinth, the board game.
  • Maize won.
• A cozy and well-stoked fire in the wood burning fireplace.
  • Dogs, Fritz and Fido, curled up in dog beds nearby.
• Warm baths, story time and an early bedtime for the kids.

Jason and Jenna sat on the loveseat in their family room. Jenna’s lips moved a million miles per hour filling Jason in on her day from sun up to sun down. He stared at her.

And that’s when Sid returned to the show, “You amaze me. You really do. Your energy and passion for life and people is contagious. And you’re still the most beautiful woman I’ve ever set eyes on. You haven’t aged one year in the ten years that we’ve been together. That part isn’t fair actually.”

Jenna’s eyes bulged, “WHO’S HE?”

Jason, calm as a clam, “I told you. I just met him today. I didn’t think he was here to stay, but seems we have a 3rd wheel for the time being.”

“If he’s your shadow, is that what you were ACTUALLY thinking while I blabbered on?” she said.

Proudly, he raised his eyebrows, and nodded in the affirmative.

Jenna started up again, “Three things…eleven years, the kids are asleep and should I put on some lingerie?”

“I wish you would,” said Jason. And with that, he stood up and turned to look back, “And you Sid, thanks for today, but I think I’d like to go at this one alone.”