#15
TAXES
Emmie: This sure is a nice new road that they built.
Kris: Who is they?
Emmie: The construction workers.
Kris: Yes, the construction workers built it, but the City paid for it. Do you know how the City pays to fix roads, build bike trails, or take care of the City in general.
Emmie: No.
Kris: All of the citizens pay what is called taxes. Part of our paycheck is given to the City to fund the City being taken care of. Thus, I paid for part of the new road, our neighbors paid for part of the new road….we each pay a very small portion.
Emmie: Even everyone we don’t know pays taxes?
Kris: Yes.
Emmie: Even bad guys pay taxes?
Kris: Well, not all bad guys pay taxes. They are supposed to, but they don’t always.
Emmie: And even when they do, it may be part of their plan so the City thinks they’re actually a good guy, right? But then they kill someone.
#14
Aroma Pie Shoppe – “World Famous!“
While using the restroom at the pie shop:
Emmie (reading a sign by the light switch): Please leave lights on at all times. Why does it say that?
Kris: Well, the restaurant owner obviously wants the lights to be on all the times such that customers can see where they are going.
Emmie: Why did they put a switch there in the first place then? That gives people a choice.
Upon later telling her friend about the pie, “It was the best pie ever….because they said that it was.”
After pie (and ice cream!), we kayaked the river! While in town later that day, “Take a penny, leave a penny? That doesn’t make any sense, you’d still have the same amount.” Given her smarts, I am guessing that she intended the sense/cents pun also?
#13
Big & Strong
At dinner:
Emmie: I am only going to drink milk or water from now on.
Mom: Why is that?
Emmie: So I can grow up to be big and strong!
The next morning, and while I was packing her lunch:
“Juice boxes in my lunch is the only time that I won’t drink milk or water. OK?”
Sunday afternoon, I came upon Emmie carrying a chair down the stairs
(to the basement). I was fairly certain the chair had been downstairs
and as such, was confused:
Mom: What are you doing Emmie?
Emmie: Carrying this chair up and down the stairs for exercise. I
don’t have anything to work out with.
#12
Emmie brought a letter to Santa home from school:
“I wish for Shopkins for Christmas. If it is too much to ask, make it easy on yourself.”
Mom: What did you mean by saying make it easy on yourself?
Emmie: Like if his sleigh is too heavy, he could give me less.
Mom: (big smile inside and out)
#11
Gail asked Grandpa a question about Jenna and Derek’s wedding venue…..
Grandpa: The Adamson House. It is actually part of the National Park System.
Emmie: Huh? Can I get a Ranger Badge?
#10
In the town of Klamath, alongside the road, was a very large Paul Bunyan with his ox, Blue, next to him.
Mom: Do you know the name of Paul Bunyan’s ox?
E: What’s an ox? That thing he carries to chop wood is called an ax.
#
Upon seeing a warehouse on TV with thousands of boxed crates….”Oh, I know why they call it a warehouse…..because they don’t know where anything is.”
#8
Potty Time
While getting ready for bed one evening…
Emmie took her toothbrush and sat down on the potty:
Eric: What are you doing?
Emmie: Multi-tasking.
While home from school sick, Emmie was sitting on the toilet…
“I don’t feel good. I feel like I’m going to throw up. If I stand up, I’ll poop on the floor and that would be embarrassing, but if I don’t stand up, I’ll throw up on myself. What do I do?”
#7
Emmie: Emanuel, at school, said that girls couldn’t throw a football.
Kris: What did you say?
Emmie: I said, oh yeah, took the ball from him, threw it and then said, I thought you said girls couldn’t throw a football. It went just like a football is supposed to.
Kris: What did he say?
Emmie: Oh, I thought girls couldn’t do that. He’s new.
(Eric and I didn’t know Emmie knew how to throw a football)
#6
In the car,
JT: I can….
Emmie: I am really good at interrupting.
JT: Emmie, stop. I can…
Emmie: See.
#5
Emmie asked about acquiring more gems in the game, Cooking Fever. “You mean like you can buy them online? For real money? Who would do that? They’re dumb. It’s just a game.”
(and to think how much real money we’ve spent on games between ages 7 and 17)
#4
Upon dressing for Franklin’s party:
Mom: Dress shoes are probably not conducive to running around the playground.
Emmie: Yeah, but when Franklin sees me, I want him to say, WOW!
Mom: Franklin is probably not of the age where he notices what shoes a girl is wearing. And if he does, he may prefer you in tennis shoes like Eric prefers I. They are more comfortable and allow you to run fast.
Emmie: Just because Eric likes tennis shoes, doesn’t mean Franklin does. And why does Franklin run away from me when he sees me.
Mom: That is how boys that age sometimes act when they like a girl. They don’t want to show that they like you.
Emmie: Oh yeah, because all the other boys would make fun of him if they knew he loved a girl.
#3
While at soccer, Emmie was on the sideline with us and prepped to run back onto the field….
Eric: Shoe! Shoe! 👟
Promptly, Emmie takes off Speedy Gonzalez style.
Mom (calls out): Your shoe is untied.
Emmie: Oh, I thought he meant like shoo, shoo, run back to the court.
Mom: You mean field?
Emmie: Yeah, that.
#2
Entrepreneurial Spirit
Emmie asked me if she could take erasers and a few small toys to school to give to her classmates. I approved.
The next day…
When leaving for school, I asked Emmie if she remembered the erasers she wanted to take, “Oh, I forgot them. Thank you for double thinking Mommy.”
A week later…..
Emmie: I got in trouble at school today, and I’m supposed to talk to you about it.
Mom: What did you do?
Emmie: I sold my toys and erasers to friends for classroom money. Mrs. Lake took my wallet away.
Mom: Did you have to give the money back also?
Emmie: No, they got to take from the bank because I already spent the money they gave me. Like, Lyllian paid $25 for 5 erasers so she had to give me the erasers back, and got $25 from the bank. But some of the toys were already at home so Mrs. Lake said they get to keep those.
Mom: Your idea was very good, but maybe not appropriate for the classroom since classroom money is to be earned and spent on designated things.
Emmie: I know.
Emmie was asked to write an apology note to her teacher. She emailed:
i m sorry i was selling stuff for 5 dollars
thank you for giveing me a seckint chans to get my wollit back
Emmie
Mrs. Lake informed me that she was upset with Emmie, but secretly very proud of her also for the entrepreneurial idea. “I didn’t even know it was happening for a few days. So and so had already re-sold an eraser to so and so, and on down the line….and Emmie had better stuff to sell than I do! She will be a good salesperson one day!”
#1
While at Grandma and Grandpa’s for New Year’s:
Mom: Emmie, Grandma asked you to help fold napkins. She went to a lot of trouble to host everyone for dinner. The least that you can do is to help her.
Emmie: No, the least that I can do is to not help.
HONORABLE MENTION
“Little Help Here?”
En route to the airport:
Jeremiah: I call the window seat!
Emmie: What do you call the seat?
We had a slight mishap while preparing the tubes for rafting that left Mom with a black eye.
Emmie: Will that black and blue go away?
Kris: Yes, eventually.
Emmie: Good. You don’t look very good like that.
Kris: Isn’t it what is on the inside that matters?
Emmie: Yes, you still act good, but you don’t look good.
While rafting…..
Eric: I can touch the bottom here.
JT: I can too.
Emmie: I can 3. Mom, say, I can 4.
E: Why do they call this game Subway Surfers?
Mom: Because you’re in a Subway…..an underground railroad.
E: Oh, I get it. I thought I was trying to get the guy to Subway. That would be cool!
Emmie: Oh brother, are we going to watch tennis AGAIN? I hate watching tennis. It’s so boring.
Mom: You don’t have to like watching tennis, but Eric and I still need to do it since that is how we make a living.
Emmie: Yeah, when are you going to retire?
While playing her Typing game, “Hey, it wants me to type the word hike. I’m not sure whether they mean like the football term, or let’s go on a hike.”
Mom turned the Braves game on just as their opponent hit a home run…
Mom: How cool is that?
Emmie: Not gnarly at all (she’s a Dodgers fan).
Upon dropping something in the car, “Mom, it’s between your seat and the center counselor.”
We couldn’t find the remote for the DVD player, “Gosh, now we won’t be able to watch Harry Potter. We’re doomed.”
Emmie was in charge of Crosley for a few minutes. I told her she did great, “Yeah, I even did that fist thing in her throat so she’d stop biting. There sure is a lot of saliva in there.”
Upon climbing into bed with me one morning….
Emmie: Why is there always a pillow under the covers?
Mom: Because I sleep with a pillow between my knees. It is good for your back, and posture.
Emmie: Well, my friends think it is weird. Can you not do it?
Emmie and JT spent all day Saturday at the Racquet Center (IIAC Individual Tournament). Emmie watched MAYBE 5 minutes of the tennis all day and then stated, “Mom, why did you pick such a HORRIBLE job; this is so boring!”
While in the bathtub….
“Can you fill the shower for me next time? The parts of my body that are out of the water are cold!”
Crosley was spayed this past week and was in a sedated state when I picked Emmie up from Lovely Lane, “I like THIS Crosley (calm and not nipping) more than the sometimes crazy one.”
Emmie, Sasha, Alex and I attended Coe’s Playground of Science. One of the demonstrating students asked Emmie if she had been to the POS before, “Of course, I’m the Coach’s daughter.”
Emmie: There is now an Emmie 2. She was just released.
Mom: How is Emmie 2 different than Emmie 1?
Emmie: She asks, and doesn’t beg. She always listens and never lies.
Mom: Did Emmie 1 lie?
Emmie: Sometimes, like to Shaylee every now and again.
The next morning, Emmie gave Eric a hug good-bye and wished him Good Luck at his meeting. She turned to Mom after he left, “That was Emmie 2. Emmie 1 sometimes runs from hugs.”
Mom created a City on Minecraft and named it, Tweeck:
Mom: Get it? It is our family.
Emmie: Huh?
Mom: T for Turner, W for Wrigley….
Emmie: Oh, I thought you meant that our family was tweeck. What does tweeck mean anyway?
Mom: Spelled differently, tweak means to change or slightly alter something.
Emmie: Got it. Like Emmie 2, or a snake shedding its skin.
“Emmie 3, the classic, is now out. She does everything right. Except sometimes steal candy when she’s not supposed to.”
(She proceeded to say excuse me after burping, asked to help with work around the house, unloaded groceries, etc.)
“Emmie 4 isn’t out yet. Emmie 4 will do everything that you want.”
Emmie started keyboard lessons this past week. Unbeknownst to her, Mom signed her up. Despite not wanting to go, she had fun. On the way home,
Emmie: How about I have to practice keyboard for 3 minutes, or else I don’t get dessert every night?
Mom: That is up to you. If you want to learn keyboard, practicing is a good idea.
Emmie: Yeah, 3 minutes it is.
Eric: Emmie almost biffed there.
Emmie: Eric…..Emmie doesn’t biff.
Eric: That sounds like something your Mom would say.
Eric: Crosley, here, this bone has your name on it.
Emmie: How can it have her name on it?
During a FaceTime call with Grandpa and Grandpa….
Emmie: I’m sleeping in a tent. And look (shuts the door with velcro), this is the ultimate Crosley lockdown.
At the end of the call….
G&G: Thanks for calling!
Emmie: Thank Mommy. I didn’t want to call.
“Can I take my socks off? My feet are just begging for air.”
“I must be growing up. I just peed and filled half the toilet.”
Emmie: Mia just got Mikey (a turtle), and now wants a puppy.
Mom: What do you think about that? Should they get her a puppy?
Emmie: That would be a heap of animals.
Emmie: I beat Franklin in a race yesterday.
Mom: He’s really fast, isn’t he?
Emmie: Yeah. I got a head start and he was still on my tail – if I had a tail of course.
We got a new refrigerator:
Mom: No magnets on the front of the refrigerator, understand?They said it would damage the door.
Emmie: Ok. Except that one?
Mom: That is permanent. It is the brand of the refrigerator (Whirlpool).
Emmie played Clue with Shaylee today:
“I think it was done by Mrs. White, in the Conservatory, and with the Wench.”
Ryan had been to our house (in his AAA Van) earlier in the week to fix our AC.
When we pulled up to their house for a dinner, Emmie saw Ryan’s van in the driveway….”Oh, I didn’t know their air conditioner was broken also.”
Emmie: Granda, pause this (the TV).
Grandpa: I can’t pause it.
Emmie: What’s wrong with your TV? We can pause ours.
We’ve lived in our house for 2.5 years. 6 months in, we had an electrician do some work, including the installation of a fan in the living room. Emmie would have been 5 when the work was done. At age 7.5:
Emmie: Hey, how did you get a fan in this room?
Mom: Do you remember this room without a fan?
Emmie: Yes, it didn’t have a fan.
This past Saturday, Emmie worked at PIP with Grandpa:
Grandpa: We’re done working for the day.
Emmie: I like working. Do you have any work for tomorrow that we can do?
Grandpa: Tomorrow is Sunday. I am not planning to come to work.
Emmie: What about Monday?
Grandpa: Why?
Emmie: If we do the Monday work today, you won’t have that much work to do on Monday.
On the way home from work with Grandpa, they saw a HyVee truck, “Hey, we have those by our house too, except with different people on it.”
Emmie asked what a bladder was, and we proceeded to discuss. Eric clarified that her bladder was an organ, but not like the instrument.
Emmie: What happens if you hold your pee? Sometimes at school I have to go, but I hold it because we’re doing something important and then when I finally sit down to go, it has expired.
Emmie has been getting time on her iPad right before bed. She has been sending Daddy, Anna and Mia messages that are very brief, “No more text messages. I’m going to bed. Night.” I questioned her brevity. “I am going to play games for a few minutes and I don’t want messages giving me issues while I’m playing.”
Emmie left her car door open:
Mom (mocking the situation): Don’t worry, Eic will get the door for you.
E: Yeah, he’s my door manager.
“This mystery dum-dum was the key to my life.”
We left keyboard early because Emmie had an ear infection that was worsening. She was crying in pain on the way home, but decided she wanted McDonald’s ice cream anyway. We waited in the drive-thru for a few minutes before our turn came. I had just asked Emmie if she really wanted ice cream, or whether she’d prefer to go straight home to get medicine. While crying:
“Let’s go home. They’re all busy and have poor service. They can’t even help a sick child.”
Emmie: My stomach doesn’t feel very well.
Mom: Probably because I caved at the grocery store.
Emmie: What does caved mean?
Mom: Remember when you whined about how much you wanted an AirHead? I knew that you had already had enough sugar today, but I gave in and let you have it anyway because I was tired of your whining.
Emmie: Yeah, I knew that I was annoying begging.
While decorating Emmie’s room with TMNT wall decals, and Glow Show (space) stickers:
“April is going to be upside down….since they’re in space.”
“This will really spruce it up.”
“We should have made a whole wall of just Mikey. He’s my favorite; no offense to the other Turtles.”
Before school, and unbeknownst to Mom, Emmie found the 2L of Coke that Grandpa left for Mom, opened it, said “Let’s Celebrate,” and started chugging.
While getting her haircut….
Hairdresser: Does she use conditioner? Her ends feel dry.
Mom: Yes, but it is Shampoo and Conditioner in one for kids.
Hairdresser: What kind?
Emmie: WATERMELON! 🍉
Later in the conversation:
Emmie: Mia has longer hair than I do. It takes longer to do her hair so I always get to go first. But she gets to go first when we do make-up and I don’t get it because her face is bigger than mine also.
The client next to Emmie was getting highlights. Emmie asked the hairdresser, “Why are they putting gum wrappers in her hair?”
While putting together a toy, “According to my calculations, this should snap in just like….THAT!”
While playing Pop-a-Shot with Eric, “We are really blowing steam.”
Emmie seems to have an obsession with cleaning the glass on the shower door. I often have to leave her in the shower longer so that she can finish scrubbing with soap and a sponge. Upon getting out of the shower, and the night before leaving for her trip, she dried the door with her towel, “Mom, I’ll be very impressed with you if this is still clean when I come back.”
Upon parting ways for her trip, Emmie gave Mom instructions:
Emmie: Mom, remember what you’re supposed to do?
Mom: Keep the shower door clean, throw the ball for Crosley and make sure Turner poops when he is outside (she referenced this earlier in the week since Turner, once a year, chooses to forgo the cold weather).
Emmie: Yeah, and pet Wrigley. And keep Crosley away from Wrigley’s eye.
On the way home from Kylie’s, I told Emmie that I would have stopped at the Dairy Queen for her if it had been open, “I think I know why it’s not open. I have a hypothesis. It’s cold out and no one likes to eat ice cream in the cold.”
While talking to Shaylee, “I love to clean. Actually, my favorite hobbies are cleaning, sleeping and drawing.”
Emmie: What does Crosley have?
Mom: A bone.
Emmie: How do you know?
Mom: Because I just pried it from her mouth to discover that it was just a bone.
Emmie: She was probably like, hey, what in tarnation? I didn’t do anything wrong. This is mine.
Mom: We need to pick up your doll stuff downstairs.
Emmie: Why?
Mom: Just in case Crosley gets down there. Guess who I’d be in trouble with if Crosley got a hold of one of your dolls?
Emmie (smirking): Grannie Jannie! I want to see you get in trouble with Grannie.
Mom: Why?
Emmie: I’m always the one in trouble. Why can’t someone else get in trouble?
Eric and Mom received a Valentine’s Card from Eric’s Mom, and another from one of the Women’s players (both addressed to Eric and Kris):
“How come everything is to you guys? It’s like I’m not even here.”
Emmie was playing a game on her iPod in the car. She passed a level, and turned to her snack. “Oh yeah, victory Cheez-Its!”
Emmie was trying to get 120 points before getting to Subway. As we neared, she was only at 112, and started saying, “Mayday, mayday, mayday. That light needs to stay red.”
While walking the dogs, Turner was running with Mom to catch up to Emmie, “He just wants to join my ring of Awesomeness.”
We were trying to find the headphones that Shaylee had borrowed during the sleepover:
Mom: Didn’t you clean up the basement?
Emmie: Yes, but there wasn’t any trace of the headphones.
After dinner, Emmie asked for an apple:
Eric: We’re out of apples.
Emmie: That’s nonsense.
Grandpa and Emmie sought out Juicy Drop Pop (candy) at 3 different stores. When they finally found it:
Emmie: Oh, I just can’t decide between Red and Blue.
Grandpa: Get them both.
Emmie: Really? My Mom wouldn’t let me do that.
Emmie later told Mom, “Grandpa is the best Grandpa I know. He let me get both flavors of Juicy Drop Pop.”
We were reading one of Emmie’s blue folder books and came across the word slavery. Emmie had an idea of what slavery was, but Eric and I further explained it:
“So Eric would have been a slave since he has dark skin?”
I wouldn’t give Emmie a sugary dessert one evening. I eventually agreed to cut her an apple:
“Thanks Mom. You can be so frustrating sometimes, and other times the best. Most of the time you’re the best.”
A classmate (with her face painted like a cat) decided that she didn’t want to try one of the games at FunFest, and left to find another.
Friend: Where’d she go?
Emmie: She was a scaredy cat, get it?
(they didn’t)
My Dad took Emmie to Subway for lunch en route to exchange with Phil. While they were eating, a bus load of kids arrived. Emmie became very observant so my Dad asked what she was thinking, “They (Subway) should have made the counter longer so there was room for 3 lines. And they should have built a Subway next door for when this one was busy. Then there wouldn’t be this problem.”
Emmie: Have I been to AdventureWorld?
Mom: I don’t know that there is one. Have you heard that there is?
Emmie: While, there is a DisneyLand and a DisneyWorld. We’re at AdventureLand so there should be an AdventureWorld.
Later in the day and after having spoiled Emmie with fair games, rides, Icee, etc.
Mom: I just surmised something.
Eric: What did you deduce?
Mom: Emmie has the best parents around.
Emmie: You JUST figured that out.
Mom: Emmie, which one is Claire? And which Jeanne?
Emmie: Claire & Jeanne (pointing to each)
Claire: Nope. Try again.
Emmie: Jeanne & Claire
Claire: Correct
Emmie: Yeah, that was my second guess.
Emmie: Can I wear my tennis racquet into the store?
Mom: No, why do you want to do that?
Emmie: So people see that I’m a kid professional because I kind of am. I want them to see the real me.
Mom: OK (with a smile)
Kristine Joy, Writer 
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